soon, soon, I feel it in my waters...

I was happy once again to veg out this weekend, and not do much, having managed to get through a number of errands that needed to be done. The list looks like, pick up the shirts from the drycleaners, check to make sure the ATO has the right details for the "stimulus" money, get contracts for second job and other associated tasks done [including staff card and library access],

Feeling somewhat anxious about upcoming things.

In my mind the count down for, fingers crossed, what is hopefully the finale that messy little incidenct at the beginning of the year has the music speeding up and getting more intense, and the lights flashing even more quickly. Yes it looks like the bureaucratic wheels are finally turning and will spit out the result. And it looks like it will happen soon.

I'm feeling a little bit angsty, and anxious just wanting the whole thing to be over, and being able to feel freer and move onto the next part of my life without this hanging over my head.

The anxiousness and angst felt melted somewhat for what was to be another weekend of a great surprise. I do quite like surprises, especially ones that bring a smile to my face.

I'm still smiling now - despite being very behind in preparing for work tomorrow.

Oh well...

weekend surprise

I didn't have much hopes for the weekend, just a quiet little affair, not doing much.

Oh how wrong I was!

I had one of the most pleasant surprises, which made my weekend.

I also caught up with a close friend on Sunday. We did the wine thing at Hyde Park, which was fantastic.

the friends of relationships past...

when a relationship ends (no matter how long ago) the issue of catching up with friends, especially those that have shared in the past history of that relationship, can be a little tricky.

so it was with a little trepidation that I caught up with a couple of friends that were part of the shared history of a past relationship that ended a long time ago. (on a side note, the person with whom I was in an intimate relationship and I are still friends)

I shouldn't have worried at all. this was exactly what I needed to lift the spirits, and share in some general catching up chatter, and talking about some of those more painful life events.

it was almost like the time gap between the last time I saw these wonderful women and today did not exist. there was of course the mandatory fill in the last couple of years (yes it had been years), but being able to let go of some of the icky things that have happened and also share in the icky things that had happened in their lives, and of course revel in the good and gossipy!, was emotionally liberating.

it takes a lot to share the good and bad life events, especially in the trust department. today it was a wonderful feeling to have that trust reciprocated and appreciated.

report writing - hard work and results...

it's been a long week and a half of week at work.

researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading researching reading...

writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing

redraft the whole entire thing. let's just say I wasn't all that happy about having to do it, especially with literally one day and a half before deadline.

edit edit edit edit edit edit edit edit edit edit edit edit edit edit edit edit edit edit edit edit edit

fifty kajillion emails later... report done and sent out.

what was kinda excellent about this is that the reason for writing for the report has already started to have ripple effects. there's already a couple of meetings lined up about what was written.

also, I've been asked to do some tutoring work - it couldn't have come at a better time!

throat full of sore

it's not often where I work that all the staff across NSW gets together - and when we do there's lots of fun...

last night was one of those nights where we all got together. Started off in the pub and then walked collectively to the restaurant. Had a staff dinner with the big bosses, pleasant conversation, food was alright, wine flowing.

The highlight of the night has to be the karaoke. Usually I'm not a big fan of karaoke, having been introduced to this strange past time in a pub and with Bon jovi - so not pretty...
Anyway, there we all were in this booth, remote control in hand singing everything from "Bridge over troubled waters" to "Total eclipse of the heart".

The term singing should be used rather lightly, because this morning I discovered we most certainly didn't sing, we yelled all the lyrics. My throat is so full of sore, that I even a voice that Shirley Bassey would be proud of!

a random event...

there was a bit of commotion this evening that I could hear from the loungeroom. a gentleman's voice ringing out in song. I wasn't sure if it was from the nearby park or one of the restaurants.

going out to investigate, it turned out to be one of the restaurants. Some of the staff from the restaurant were hanging out the back, taking a break before the kitchen officially shut up shop. The inquisitive side of me had to ask what was going on.

With a smile one of the staff said "haven't you heard, today's valentine's day. if you like go in, get a drink." A short pause. "Hey where's your valentine, you should have one." I smiled, and said "no, not tonight" poking my head through the door. A male someone who must have been a friend of the staff then said, "come one, I'll be your valentine." Let's just say he was a bit of all right, but I kindly declined.

for some weird reason, having a perfect stranger offer to be my valentine for 5 minutes lifted my spirits. even almost brought my mojo back.

whatever his name is, thank you!

w00t!

$900... the stimulus package passed the Senate!

a turning point...

it seems that when you least expect it, the world somehow through serendipity, things start to pick up...
started back at work... we're heading into a very busy phase at the moment, so it was like jumping in feet first with a lot of backload and new projects to get across very quickly... there were some moments where the emotion of the start of year started to wave over me, so I took a coffee break had a couple of deep breaths, and was able to keep powering on. It helps that I work in a great workplace.
I have also started to see friends with more regularlity... I was a little neglectful before... in the space of a week, I have had dinner and lunch with quite a few people.
I'm still feeling sad but it is time to start moving on. The date in March where the cogs of the bureaucratic/judicial processes will hopefully give their decision is the time when I will be clear of everything, including feeling sad.
And I'm thinking of adopting a pet... I've seen some really beautiful ones on the RSPCA website... I miss having the companionship of the previous cat - especially the way she would talk to me, wake me up in the morning, and just lay and cuddle with me...

Going back to work...

There's only a weekend away before I have to front up to work (that is if I would like teh cash used for eking out the sydney spartan lifestyle to which I've grown accustomed)...

Right now I so just want to be on holidays forever... watching dvd's all day, spending time with friends and the bf, no need to subscribe to the bourgy wake up/bedtime thing to get a full 8 hours sleep in time for work, spending time with the cat... and most of all reading!

So is there any job that will pay me to do those things? I should put in a proviso - I'm not prepared to be on "reality" tv shows of any kind or receive payment for the performance of sex acts and related industry... (I do understand that people do these things voluntarily, however they are not for me. And I find "reality tv" shows disturbing, and don't watch them.)

How else will I be able to follow the cat around for a couple of hours just to discover what it's like to be a cat (the catching things thing is a little bit morally and ethically difficult for me if I were a cat, and icky - I HATE mice & rats and can't stand to be around them etc, but I quite like lizards, spiders, reptiles and couldn't stand to catch &/or kill any of them)...

How else can I spend hours reading for pleasure?

Anyway, in a miniscule way I am kinda looking forward to going back to work. I work with a lot of great people, and the day goes by fairly quickly!

the new year - bring it on!

I'm back from the family shindig... and I was incredibly surprised! there was no snarly moments between members of my family... WOW! It seemed to go quite well, and there was only one awkward moment when mum said something she shouldn't have... but as I said no snarly moments...

I spent some time with various members of the family, and it was a lot of fun... though I also understand why it is I live further away from the family - it's good to have space.

Expectations

It seems there are some families that do end of year celebrations good and some families that don't... I think the main thing that separates the two types of families are expectations - whether or not people come with particular ideas of how the day should and shouldn't work and want to inflict those ideas on everyone else in attendence (my idea of bad bad bad end of year celebrations, from experience!).

Tomorrow I'm spending the day with the bf's family. A day where people largely hang out together, drink a little bit too much, eat a little bit too much, and most importantly no expectations from anybody. Of course there are the basic rules so that you don't offend the nice people - be polite/curteous, stay clothed in public, that kind of thing. And it makes for a very enjoyable day.

Compare with festive celebrations of the past, at my family, where for example you get screamed at by a sibling because the hug you gave another sibling was longer and you didn't set the table right. Mostly it becomes a passive aggressive seeth fest, then add alcohol and time and then watch as all the perceived hurts from birth come bubbling to the surface.

I'm really glad I'm going end of year stuff the bf's family. It's too bad we've got a "party" with my family in the New Year.

Wish I could escape those expectations - especially those of attending this family shin-dig...

Officialness - Holiday mode is now on...

Well it's now official - I am on holidays... that is a rather smiley moment!

It's been a strange year work-wise - difficulties with the boss (individually and collectively), not liking work very much, a new boss, going for a promotional opportunity which I didn't get but did result in a changing focus in my job, more enjoyment at work...

I hope 2009 keeps on being good at work.. but for now I am looking forward to holidays and not having to think about all those work-related things for a couple of weeks...

Content...

There's nothing better, at least in my book, in having good company and spending time with people that matter.

This weekend was like that. Relaxed, good company, eating (I really really really really like that aspect a lot!), and using the most precious thing I have with people I care about - time.

I think I've always been an "old" young person, preferring other social activites than going out and getting absolutely ripped (on whatever it is that the "young" do, alcohol and other kinds of things).

Ah contentment...

Teh weekedn

To be honest, I find this time of year very very very stressful... In my childhood, the whole family together thing can induce expectations that often are not met and wind up causing issues/fights/grrrrness. That's before you even introduce the personality conflicts and include the extendedness of my family now.

Surprisingly, spending the 25/12 with the bf's family is not stressful at all. There's the panickyness of gift buying, but that's about it. There's food, games, gifts, tv watching, sleeping, and spending time together.

In a smiley way, I'm looking forward to it.

Ah bliss...

Today was the work end of year shin dig... An annual event held on one of Sydney's eastern suburbs beaches... Past colleagues turn up... Current colleagues bring their families... there's BBQ, beer/alcohol/soft drinks, salads, bad kris kringle, and most of all just a relaxed atmosphere... Ah, bliss! The only problem was teh blasted weather... Leaving the inner west the weather seemed perfect, and so I was dressed accordingly - instead I should have been wearing winter clothes the wind was that cold... though the weather paled in comparison to the company...

This year I took the bf - he seemed to really enjoy himself as well.

Only 2 more days before the holidays begin... then it will be even more bliss!

More smiles...

Well here's one for the record books - more than 1 post on a day, especially given the difficulties I have in already updating on a frequent and regular basis.

The smile I have today is (and the spent-most-of-my-life-living-in-QLD-and-go-for-the-Maroons-but-now-living-in-NSW in me is not liking this post)

• daylight savings

There's nothing like good company, sitting outside, sipping a good cold white wine while the sun sets at about 8:30 at night. Ah bliss. If only every day of the week could be like the weekends!

Smile

Smile is:

• seeing someone you love get their mojo back!

Yee ha...