weekend surprise

I didn't have much hopes for the weekend, just a quiet little affair, not doing much.

Oh how wrong I was!

I had one of the most pleasant surprises, which made my weekend.

I also caught up with a close friend on Sunday. We did the wine thing at Hyde Park, which was fantastic.

the friends of relationships past...

when a relationship ends (no matter how long ago) the issue of catching up with friends, especially those that have shared in the past history of that relationship, can be a little tricky.

so it was with a little trepidation that I caught up with a couple of friends that were part of the shared history of a past relationship that ended a long time ago. (on a side note, the person with whom I was in an intimate relationship and I are still friends)

I shouldn't have worried at all. this was exactly what I needed to lift the spirits, and share in some general catching up chatter, and talking about some of those more painful life events.

it was almost like the time gap between the last time I saw these wonderful women and today did not exist. there was of course the mandatory fill in the last couple of years (yes it had been years), but being able to let go of some of the icky things that have happened and also share in the icky things that had happened in their lives, and of course revel in the good and gossipy!, was emotionally liberating.

it takes a lot to share the good and bad life events, especially in the trust department. today it was a wonderful feeling to have that trust reciprocated and appreciated.

throat full of sore

it's not often where I work that all the staff across NSW gets together - and when we do there's lots of fun...

last night was one of those nights where we all got together. Started off in the pub and then walked collectively to the restaurant. Had a staff dinner with the big bosses, pleasant conversation, food was alright, wine flowing.

The highlight of the night has to be the karaoke. Usually I'm not a big fan of karaoke, having been introduced to this strange past time in a pub and with Bon jovi - so not pretty...
Anyway, there we all were in this booth, remote control in hand singing everything from "Bridge over troubled waters" to "Total eclipse of the heart".

The term singing should be used rather lightly, because this morning I discovered we most certainly didn't sing, we yelled all the lyrics. My throat is so full of sore, that I even a voice that Shirley Bassey would be proud of!

a turning point...

it seems that when you least expect it, the world somehow through serendipity, things start to pick up...
started back at work... we're heading into a very busy phase at the moment, so it was like jumping in feet first with a lot of backload and new projects to get across very quickly... there were some moments where the emotion of the start of year started to wave over me, so I took a coffee break had a couple of deep breaths, and was able to keep powering on. It helps that I work in a great workplace.
I have also started to see friends with more regularlity... I was a little neglectful before... in the space of a week, I have had dinner and lunch with quite a few people.
I'm still feeling sad but it is time to start moving on. The date in March where the cogs of the bureaucratic/judicial processes will hopefully give their decision is the time when I will be clear of everything, including feeling sad.
And I'm thinking of adopting a pet... I've seen some really beautiful ones on the RSPCA website... I miss having the companionship of the previous cat - especially the way she would talk to me, wake me up in the morning, and just lay and cuddle with me...

no smile, no snarl - just anxiousness

I'm feeling a little anxious... the big brou ha ha from Sunday/Morning has some part of the bureaucratic process to go tomorrow.

I'm worried that:

• those in the suits/formal clothes won't listen to me or even consider what I would like as a solution, even though this matter ultimately affects me
• I won't get an opportunity to speak if things start to go pear shaped during the formal parts
• it turns adversarial and nasty
• it has to go through further bureaucratic processes to get solved

My lil belly is turning flip flops over and over... I can't believe this ever happened.

Not smiley, not snarly... just anxious...

Empty... like the universe...

I'm feeling empty, emotionally drained, and my muscles are all clenched. I have had one of the most horrendous and saddest nights of my life. I never thought I would be the victim of a crime involving an unbelievably intoxicated person. Especially a person I care about.

So my snarl is directed at what appeared to the cause (though I'm sure there maybe underlying issues that are to do with this person)

• drinking alcohol to extreme
• resulting intimdating and aggressive behaviour from this
• the people who sold this person the alcohol, whilst in an intoxicated state, in the first place

Going back to work...

There's only a weekend away before I have to front up to work (that is if I would like teh cash used for eking out the sydney spartan lifestyle to which I've grown accustomed)...

Right now I so just want to be on holidays forever... watching dvd's all day, spending time with friends and the bf, no need to subscribe to the bourgy wake up/bedtime thing to get a full 8 hours sleep in time for work, spending time with the cat... and most of all reading!

So is there any job that will pay me to do those things? I should put in a proviso - I'm not prepared to be on "reality" tv shows of any kind or receive payment for the performance of sex acts and related industry... (I do understand that people do these things voluntarily, however they are not for me. And I find "reality tv" shows disturbing, and don't watch them.)

How else will I be able to follow the cat around for a couple of hours just to discover what it's like to be a cat (the catching things thing is a little bit morally and ethically difficult for me if I were a cat, and icky - I HATE mice & rats and can't stand to be around them etc, but I quite like lizards, spiders, reptiles and couldn't stand to catch &/or kill any of them)...

How else can I spend hours reading for pleasure?

Anyway, in a miniscule way I am kinda looking forward to going back to work. I work with a lot of great people, and the day goes by fairly quickly!

Content...

There's nothing better, at least in my book, in having good company and spending time with people that matter.

This weekend was like that. Relaxed, good company, eating (I really really really really like that aspect a lot!), and using the most precious thing I have with people I care about - time.

I think I've always been an "old" young person, preferring other social activites than going out and getting absolutely ripped (on whatever it is that the "young" do, alcohol and other kinds of things).

Ah contentment...

Have you ever...

had a level of snarled offness where you wind up with the psychosomatic symptom of giving yourself a UTI (ie you are so pissed off with something/one that your urinary tract reacts on your behalf)?

I seem to have achieved this exalted state of snarliness.

SNARL SNARL SNARL SNARL SNARL SNARL SNARL SNARL SNARL SNARL SNARL

The short answer is:

• drunk idiots, who you consider a close and dear friend, who says hurtful and mean things when pissed... and then wants to preface this by saying, I can only hurt you when I am pissed. that sounds like an excuse for drinking...

2 days 2 different takes

On Monday, I had a pretty good day. Smiles all round.

• good day at work
• good night spent in an art class with the bf and close friend
• good vibe in general.

Oh what a different a day makes

• bf grumpy/upset with me for not doing something for him... I knew saying no would result in this kind of stand off, general snarliness tonight... and I've been proven right.. he chucks a massive tanty and starts these fights about nothing.. so I'm holed up in the opposite end of the house, and I really want a ginger ale...
• was left off a couple of emails at work, getting the to do list done, because of being left off said emails I sent something off that was an earlier draft... the person who it applied to was a little bit snarly...

so so

ok, free form smiling and snarling - GO

Smile:

• catching up with a good friend over coffee and dips
• being able to help out a mate at work over an emergency situation (despite it being my day off)
• having a good friend that didn't mind rescheduling our catch up

Snarl:

• "leaks" of government reviews, especially the horrible ideas that come from the reviews on my day off from work
  (the conspiracy theorist in me reckons it's more about when the Government finally releases their response that it doesn't look so bad, at least compared to what was leaked)
• idiots that use my driveway without checking to see that it's ok to use (especially when it's raining and I want to park my car under my car port!)
• weather - it's supposed to be summer in Australia!? Instead I find myself still needing wool jumpers, thick coats, and spencers

Quick List

Smile:

• being thanked for doing my job by a colleague (nice to be recognised...)
• having mid week wind down drinks at home with friends for a days debrief (I'm liking daylight savings more and more)
• winding down for the end of year close down (close to 3 weeks off - yee hah!)

Snarl:

• silly discussions that lead to people being cranky with each other!
• contemplating going home for a family meet and greet, and realising it is my family that will be the weird one (we'll need someone to be the ringmaster to at least divert attention)
• things to do list at work getting longer and longer and longer
• not knowing bureaucratic decisions I need for closure on certain things

More smiles...

Well here's one for the record books - more than 1 post on a day, especially given the difficulties I have in already updating on a frequent and regular basis.

The smile I have today is (and the spent-most-of-my-life-living-in-QLD-and-go-for-the-Maroons-but-now-living-in-NSW in me is not liking this post)

• daylight savings

There's nothing like good company, sitting outside, sipping a good cold white wine while the sun sets at about 8:30 at night. Ah bliss. If only every day of the week could be like the weekends!

on the wagon... of updating this blog

not really in a smiley or snarly mood... just so so...

finally out of my shell and getting around to catching up with friends and answering the phone/messages when people call (a major step from where I was a couple of weeks ago).

Sorting out the uni stuff a little bit at a time... I'm still feeling heavy about it.

Post operation stuff sucks! I'm still in pain, and the stuff that sometimes exudes is pretty gross... still can't wait til the swelling dies down, and stuff returns to normal...