2008

Despite the rather blahness that seemed (to me at least) permeate through the last post, being up this late and with the quietness that pervades I tend to reflect.

2008, as I said earlier, for me at least, was the year of the hospital.

However 2008 was also an epic year in other arenas -

on the side that makes me smile:

• the Federal Government finally said sorry to the Stolen Generation (thanks Kevin07);
• those speculators in the financial markets finally found out that betting against prices (interest rates/currencies/weather/etc take your pick)/packaging debt obligations to be onsold etc anything that didn't have a viable asset attached to it is EMPTY! and ta da they created "negative wealth";
• the United States elected its first Black President;
• Morris Iemma finally went ta tas;
• the federal Liberal Party is in disarray and the state branches don't appear to be much better;
• ACDC releasing an album and someone linking this and previous ACDC releases with the declining stock market in the UK...

On the side that makes me snarl:

• the disquiet still going on in East Timor;
• Zimbabwe (where one of my parents were born);
• what is going on in the Gaza Strip;
• Federal Labor Govt and its climate change targets/industrial relations legislation/internet policy;
• poor town planning in Sydney that makes it difficult to cycle without fearing for your life;
• NSW Labor Government for oh so many reasons...

I'm sure there's more but I'm in a semi smiley mood... reflecting seems to have that calming effect.

On reflecting about the coming year, I'm not sure if I will make NY resolutions... I usually don't because the one year that I set resolutions, 2 weeks before the following NY I realised I hadn't done anything I said that I was going to do...

Much smile? bring on the crosswords of the cryptic variety

The festive brunch time celebration and the couple of days following were bliss - eating, drinking (alcoholic and non alcoholic varieties of drinks naturally!), swimming, relaxing, spending time with the bf's family, playing cards, watching football etc...

I had an epic smile - one that I thought would herald in the new year.

Alas this is not to be... I don't exactly have my snarl on, but I've definately got smile failure.

I stayed home on Sunday night, spending time with the cat and trying to get more than 3 hours of sleep that night. The bf went out with his siblings and it seemed that things were going to be ok..

well it seems that there was a little too much drinking, words were had, and that the smile that I thought would pull me through my after-new-years-mostly-blood-and-soon-to-be-extended-meet-the-families-gathering-for-my-younger-sibling-and-the-live-in-partner, is not to be.

Instead I find myself calling a stack of people to find out what happened and listening to my bf vent, whilst the house cleaning I wanted to get done before NYE proper is getting further behind.

It looks like I've had to change my plans for the nye festivities - blah! And I think it will be easier to go solo to my blood and extended family shindig (no need to subject the bf to years of pent up everything thrown together at a special event!).

On a side, and smiley note, the Summer Herald has a guide to the cryptic crossword for those of us who don't quite get how to do them... I am epic smile when I sit down and do them!

Expectations

It seems there are some families that do end of year celebrations good and some families that don't... I think the main thing that separates the two types of families are expectations - whether or not people come with particular ideas of how the day should and shouldn't work and want to inflict those ideas on everyone else in attendence (my idea of bad bad bad end of year celebrations, from experience!).

Tomorrow I'm spending the day with the bf's family. A day where people largely hang out together, drink a little bit too much, eat a little bit too much, and most importantly no expectations from anybody. Of course there are the basic rules so that you don't offend the nice people - be polite/curteous, stay clothed in public, that kind of thing. And it makes for a very enjoyable day.

Compare with festive celebrations of the past, at my family, where for example you get screamed at by a sibling because the hug you gave another sibling was longer and you didn't set the table right. Mostly it becomes a passive aggressive seeth fest, then add alcohol and time and then watch as all the perceived hurts from birth come bubbling to the surface.

I'm really glad I'm going end of year stuff the bf's family. It's too bad we've got a "party" with my family in the New Year.

Wish I could escape those expectations - especially those of attending this family shin-dig...

Officialness - Holiday mode is now on...

Well it's now official - I am on holidays... that is a rather smiley moment!

It's been a strange year work-wise - difficulties with the boss (individually and collectively), not liking work very much, a new boss, going for a promotional opportunity which I didn't get but did result in a changing focus in my job, more enjoyment at work...

I hope 2009 keeps on being good at work.. but for now I am looking forward to holidays and not having to think about all those work-related things for a couple of weeks...

Content...

There's nothing better, at least in my book, in having good company and spending time with people that matter.

This weekend was like that. Relaxed, good company, eating (I really really really really like that aspect a lot!), and using the most precious thing I have with people I care about - time.

I think I've always been an "old" young person, preferring other social activites than going out and getting absolutely ripped (on whatever it is that the "young" do, alcohol and other kinds of things).

Ah contentment...

Teh weekedn

To be honest, I find this time of year very very very stressful... In my childhood, the whole family together thing can induce expectations that often are not met and wind up causing issues/fights/grrrrness. That's before you even introduce the personality conflicts and include the extendedness of my family now.

Surprisingly, spending the 25/12 with the bf's family is not stressful at all. There's the panickyness of gift buying, but that's about it. There's food, games, gifts, tv watching, sleeping, and spending time together.

In a smiley way, I'm looking forward to it.

Ah bliss...

Today was the work end of year shin dig... An annual event held on one of Sydney's eastern suburbs beaches... Past colleagues turn up... Current colleagues bring their families... there's BBQ, beer/alcohol/soft drinks, salads, bad kris kringle, and most of all just a relaxed atmosphere... Ah, bliss! The only problem was teh blasted weather... Leaving the inner west the weather seemed perfect, and so I was dressed accordingly - instead I should have been wearing winter clothes the wind was that cold... though the weather paled in comparison to the company...

This year I took the bf - he seemed to really enjoy himself as well.

Only 2 more days before the holidays begin... then it will be even more bliss!

Have you ever...

had a level of snarled offness where you wind up with the psychosomatic symptom of giving yourself a UTI (ie you are so pissed off with something/one that your urinary tract reacts on your behalf)?

I seem to have achieved this exalted state of snarliness.

SNARL SNARL SNARL SNARL SNARL SNARL SNARL SNARL SNARL SNARL SNARL

The short answer is:

• drunk idiots, who you consider a close and dear friend, who says hurtful and mean things when pissed... and then wants to preface this by saying, I can only hurt you when I am pissed. that sounds like an excuse for drinking...

2 days 2 different takes

On Monday, I had a pretty good day. Smiles all round.

• good day at work
• good night spent in an art class with the bf and close friend
• good vibe in general.

Oh what a different a day makes

• bf grumpy/upset with me for not doing something for him... I knew saying no would result in this kind of stand off, general snarliness tonight... and I've been proven right.. he chucks a massive tanty and starts these fights about nothing.. so I'm holed up in the opposite end of the house, and I really want a ginger ale...
• was left off a couple of emails at work, getting the to do list done, because of being left off said emails I sent something off that was an earlier draft... the person who it applied to was a little bit snarly...

thinking about the year in review...

I prefer to think about reflections on the last year about the time of my birthday.. but given the magnitude of external events and the newspaper stuff that goes with the year in the review stuff, I've already started thinking about.

It has been a rather strange and crazy year for me... so much so I have dubbed 2008, at least in my life and the first time I have ever given a year a specific theme, "the year of the hospital"...

2 operations, endless time spent in waiting rooms waiting for specialists appointments, the tooing and froing between different hospital departments, x-rays (and other variations of looking inside the human body), taking various medications, post operative recuperation that takes weeks, and of course the scars... this might sound a bit snarly - it's not intended to be, it was just how it was.

The hospital seemed to feature quite a lot in how I organised my life this, so much so, I applied to have the last semester of uni wiped clean, and took quite a bit of time off work.

The sad thing about the scars is that they feature as a permanent reminder of what happened internally (what was taken out, fixed, sutured, etc)...

But they also remind me. externally, of how I survived. And besides, who doesn't love a good scar!

so so

ok, free form smiling and snarling - GO

Smile:

• catching up with a good friend over coffee and dips
• being able to help out a mate at work over an emergency situation (despite it being my day off)
• having a good friend that didn't mind rescheduling our catch up

Snarl:

• "leaks" of government reviews, especially the horrible ideas that come from the reviews on my day off from work
  (the conspiracy theorist in me reckons it's more about when the Government finally releases their response that it doesn't look so bad, at least compared to what was leaked)
• idiots that use my driveway without checking to see that it's ok to use (especially when it's raining and I want to park my car under my car port!)
• weather - it's supposed to be summer in Australia!? Instead I find myself still needing wool jumpers, thick coats, and spencers

Smile, Blah and Snarl?

At the moment I'm feeling blah - neither smiley or snarly... just blah... I think I might have caught it from someone at work!

Blah moments today included:

• trying to make my way around a CBD department store without being accosted by perfume wielding workers, and being trampled by others
• realising just how long the to-do list has got at work
• wanting and still waiting for a number of decisions to come through - blah bureaucracy
• nearly finishing the crossword
• receiving a "don't panic" letter from my super fund

Though on a less blah note - I reread the letter one of my siblings sent me... that helped to make me feel less blah...

Quick List

Smile:

• being thanked for doing my job by a colleague (nice to be recognised...)
• having mid week wind down drinks at home with friends for a days debrief (I'm liking daylight savings more and more)
• winding down for the end of year close down (close to 3 weeks off - yee hah!)

Snarl:

• silly discussions that lead to people being cranky with each other!
• contemplating going home for a family meet and greet, and realising it is my family that will be the weird one (we'll need someone to be the ringmaster to at least divert attention)
• things to do list at work getting longer and longer and longer
• not knowing bureaucratic decisions I need for closure on certain things

what a way to start the morning...

I thought I would be ok on Monday - had a minor issue on the weekend that I thought would be fine by this morning... alas not to be!

Snarl:

• the way I woke up this morning... grrrrr!

Starting the morning with a funny

There's no better way to start the day than with a laugh, especially when its a cartoon, of the economic and political variety, poking fun of the current "global financial/economic crisis"...

So for the list:
Smile:

• incredibly inciteful/insightful comedy stylings from Kevin Dunne, from motherjones
• then of course, kudos to the cat for sitting patiently whilst I pat her and for the occassional purr

Snarl:

• the other way my morning started (including, hearing some random heave chunks next door whilst I was in the privacy of the bathroom, one piece of advice - that'll learn you! and thankfully it all happened next door!)
• early morning wake ups when I wanted to sleep in

More smiles...

Well here's one for the record books - more than 1 post on a day, especially given the difficulties I have in already updating on a frequent and regular basis.

The smile I have today is (and the spent-most-of-my-life-living-in-QLD-and-go-for-the-Maroons-but-now-living-in-NSW in me is not liking this post)

• daylight savings

There's nothing like good company, sitting outside, sipping a good cold white wine while the sun sets at about 8:30 at night. Ah bliss. If only every day of the week could be like the weekends!

Smile

Smile is:

• seeing someone you love get their mojo back!

Yee ha...

tying up loose ends...

Whilst I'd initially envisaged that this would work more in a list like fashion, where I jot down quickly the smiley and/or snarly things that happened in my day, writing in whole sentences also seems to be a lil cathartic.

I'm in the middle of tying up the loose ends of this year. In hindsight, I really have had a year I could be snarly about - 2 major surgeries (one of which was very unexpected, and neither was really wanted), ongoing problems with a medical issue, not being able to concentrate well on uni, issues with the bf (at times), and some other things I don't feel obliged to comment on... but at the moment I'm feeling rather calm about it all, and instead of harbouring the hurt and anger and all those snarly feelings, I'm sorting out the things that need to be sorted.

So if there was a list I think there would be one things on it:

Snarl:

• bureaucracy involved in getting things sorted!

That is all...

on the wagon... of updating this blog

not really in a smiley or snarly mood... just so so...

finally out of my shell and getting around to catching up with friends and answering the phone/messages when people call (a major step from where I was a couple of weeks ago).

Sorting out the uni stuff a little bit at a time... I'm still feeling heavy about it.

Post operation stuff sucks! I'm still in pain, and the stuff that sometimes exudes is pretty gross... still can't wait til the swelling dies down, and stuff returns to normal...

balance

smile

• hugs with the bf, especially when he strokes my hair
• stroking the cat and when she lies on my lap
• watching dvds

snarl

• surgery - I'm in a world of hurt
• uni... not feeling the capacity to get it done

that is all...

SNARL

I've had a rather draining day...

I had to see the Dr over an ongoing serious illness I have - I need to up the medication...

I have an operation scheduled on Friday.

I suspect my boyfriend has some sort of problems at the moment but is not willing to speak about them at the moment - wanting to come home and curl up with him instead it's like a war zone. He's drunk, belligerent, and completely unreasonable. Though he did appear to make dinner and do the dishes.

Work is crap.

5 things to smile and snarl about

Smile

• finishing and handing in one of the left over pieces of assessment - YAY!
• having understanding lecturers in the first place
• drinking one glass of champagne
• not having to worry about cooking dinner tonight
• watching Californication

Snarl

• having 4 more pieces of assessment to complete - GRRR!
• feeling overwhelmed by this
• house inspections during exam/take home exam time
• taking today off work to finish the assessment piece
• lacking motivation

Geez that was rather hard, but is all for now...

An intro

Ok, I tried a different blog provider and didn't like them, so I thought I would set up shop here.

I'm rather slow in the uptake of different technological wiz gadgetry - blogs included. Though I do follow a number of friends blogs (coz they moved away), and some other people's blogs who I don't know at all. Ain't the interwebs grand?!

The blog is called smile and snarl, coz, I live too much in my head. I think too much, I obsess over things - so here are some electronic musings of the smiley and snarly variety that go on in my head...

And I don't mind if no-one reads this blog... it's completely self indulgent... yee hah!