a random event...

there was a bit of commotion this evening that I could hear from the loungeroom. a gentleman's voice ringing out in song. I wasn't sure if it was from the nearby park or one of the restaurants.

going out to investigate, it turned out to be one of the restaurants. Some of the staff from the restaurant were hanging out the back, taking a break before the kitchen officially shut up shop. The inquisitive side of me had to ask what was going on.

With a smile one of the staff said "haven't you heard, today's valentine's day. if you like go in, get a drink." A short pause. "Hey where's your valentine, you should have one." I smiled, and said "no, not tonight" poking my head through the door. A male someone who must have been a friend of the staff then said, "come one, I'll be your valentine." Let's just say he was a bit of all right, but I kindly declined.

for some weird reason, having a perfect stranger offer to be my valentine for 5 minutes lifted my spirits. even almost brought my mojo back.

whatever his name is, thank you!

trying to move on

here's to the Senate passing the stimulus package!!!!!!!1!!! Sure $900 is $50 less than $950 but I can still do with $900. For once I feel rewarded for doing my tax on time. Like others, in my mind the moneys already been spent (dvd, microwave for example).

I'm going to be a little bit self indulgent, for just a moment.
Slowly I'm getting myself back on track. The situation, despite wanting it to be over sooner rather than lately, is looking for resolution mid March (which I realise is still the timeframe initially indicated). I'm still feeling very sad, and heart sore.

In some ways the busyness of work has been able, in part, to take my mind off what's going on. I've even been offered some other work that, fingers crossed, will pan out. I'm keeping myself busy and find that doesn't help as much as what I thought it would. Trying to move is more difficult that I thought.

The cat thing didn't work out - there were other reasons for taking the cat back (it wasn't eating, was sad at moving house etc). Going through that process, I realised I was looking for a cat that was going to be exactly like the one before (temperament, personality, etc), however looks didn't matter. So until I've got myself moved on I'm not going to be adopting a cat anytime too soon.

I'm not seeing anyone, and I don't see that changing anytime too soon either. I thought I had met the person I was going to settle down with for the rest of my life - alas not to be. Finally I have realised that there is not likely to be any reconciliation, which makes me even more sad.

I think to last Valentine's Day - it was magical. This one feels like the Nothing from the "Never Ending Story" has become enscounced in my life story (where's the white horse when you need it!).

Whilst I don't want to sound like all those single people out there downing on Valentine's Day - I hope those that have a special loved one, have a magical and special day (if you celebrate). Even more so, make every day magical and special.

w00t!

$900... the stimulus package passed the Senate!

the politics and economics of "economic downturns"

one thing that is certain about capitalism, is that there are cycles - one where things are great and one where things aren't so great...

it surprises me that the people that should know this (ie the econocrati) seem to be like the rabbit caught in the headlights - OMG why didn't we see this coming...

one article I read had a look at which of the econocrati (those from Australia) were able to better predict likely movements in the global and local economy. let's just say the results were not impressive... those who were more critical of orthodox economics seemed to fare better...

so the politics of this... analysts want to talk about interest rate movements, recession, unemployment rates, debt ratios, forgetting that there are people affected by what happens in that amorphous "global economy" and the "credit crunch"... whilst $950 may not seem like much to spend, but it is one way for people to spend/pay debts (and free up money for investment)... the contraction in the building/construction industry the schools funding is likely to decrease possible lay offs and possibly create jobs and not just in one geographical area...

I'm not a big fan of Keynesianism, but clearly the rational expectationists/general equilibrium theorists haven't got it right either... hell I'm not a big fan of capitalism either... but given the situation and not knowing how long the bumpy ride is likely to go on for, I'd like $950 to possibly buy something to cushion the impact...

this is really long hand for - pass the bloody stimulus package in the Senate!

Ps, I'm meeting a possible adoptee tomorrow, a male cat this time... I'm excited!

and now for something different - stimulus package and the politics of being without a microwave and dvd

I realise that a lot of this blog is about the emotional stuff that I seem to go through... I find it very strange to see a lot of what I have felt on the interwebs... especially when this is not me in real life...

there's been a couple of non-emotional things that have been floating around in my head the last couple of days, and they largely centre around the issue of the macroeconomy internationally and nationally (I hate the term "global credit crunch")...

there's been a lot of discussion around the $42 billion dollar stimulus plan that has been announced by the Rudd Labor Government... especially from the econocrati about if it will be effective...

in discussing this further, I first need to make one note about what I think of the econocrati more generally and it is embodied by the saying/joke - "if you brought the world's economists together to find a solution they agreed on, the room would split into 1.5 times the number of economists"...

the short answer is, no-one really knows how effective any economic policy will be - there are simply too many variables, and the data used to make future predictions are based on the past at a particular time, location and specific set of circumstances.

Given the the current global (for the most part) and Australia's national economy, is reliant on consumerism to enable growth, it would seem a one off payment and increasing government spending on public infrastructure is one way to boost people's capacity to consume (through giving the people cash and/or a job).

So for the time being, I wouldn't mind receiving $950... it is definately needed, because I would like to buy a microwave and a dvd player given that I no longer have either.

a turning point...

it seems that when you least expect it, the world somehow through serendipity, things start to pick up...
started back at work... we're heading into a very busy phase at the moment, so it was like jumping in feet first with a lot of backload and new projects to get across very quickly... there were some moments where the emotion of the start of year started to wave over me, so I took a coffee break had a couple of deep breaths, and was able to keep powering on. It helps that I work in a great workplace.
I have also started to see friends with more regularlity... I was a little neglectful before... in the space of a week, I have had dinner and lunch with quite a few people.
I'm still feeling sad but it is time to start moving on. The date in March where the cogs of the bureaucratic/judicial processes will hopefully give their decision is the time when I will be clear of everything, including feeling sad.
And I'm thinking of adopting a pet... I've seen some really beautiful ones on the RSPCA website... I miss having the companionship of the previous cat - especially the way she would talk to me, wake me up in the morning, and just lay and cuddle with me...

partially zen...

so things aren't as sorted as what I would like, it seems that this will take til mid March to finally find out exactly what is likely to happen.

In terms of the emotional rollercoaster, I think I have found some sort of balance/serenity. I'm still sad and heartsore over what has happened. And I'm glad to be able to say that I think I handled myself with grace.

Going back to work has helped, especially given that it is rather busy.